Learning to Rest in a Pandemic

The next big lesson that God threw at me, and all of us, was the pandemic. Suddenly, all of my ministry options were gone. No one to talk to, no Bible studies to go to, not even church on Sundays. 

I heard so many people talk about how rest was a benefit in this time. "Ah, yes, rest..." I thought, "if I have time..." I "rested" by slowly getting ready for the day, sleeping in, staying in my pajamas for hours, and staring at my Bible a little longer than usual. But then the day came, and there was nothing meaningful for me to do. I was alone in that I had no one who needed me. To be honest, it stressed me out. What can I do? I thought to myself over and over. I need to do something.

And then I read part of The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron and Susan Stabile. And cried. (I meant it when I said I was stressed out, y'all.) When I got to the twos section, this one question made time stand still:

Who are you when you are not needed?

I had absolutely no idea. No one, I guess. 

And then the author brought up the story of Mary and Martha. Martha, a woman who saw needs and provided for them, but Jesus asked her to let go of those acts of service and rest in his presence and teaching. Sometimes God calls you to drop the ministering, the encouraging, the serving, so that you can focus on what is truly needed. Maybe God has been asking me to rest.

God doesn't need me to do anything. If all I did was worship him, that would be enough.

"However, to the one who does not work but trusts God who justifies the ungodly, their faith is credited as righteousness." 

Romans 4:5

 My worth is not measured by my ministry, but by my savior. This doesn't mean that works have no place--they are crucial! It means that if God put me on an island by myself, my life would still have purpose as I praised God.

This whole story connects to humility. I didn't realize how much pride I had wrapped up in kingdom work, how much affirmation I gave myself based on how much I served others, and how my worth was tied to how many people needed me.

It was such a challenge to sit still by myself with God and be humbled in the solitude and knowledge that God was calling me to do nothing.

"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm  46:10

Such simple instructions, but what faith is needed to actually live them out. When you want to know more answers, when you want to make a difference in someone's life, when you want to see the plan, when you want to feel like you're an important piece in an adventure story, when you just want to KNOW it all, God says: "Know that I am God. That's it for today, honey. Know that I am God. Meditate on that, the only piece of information that you can hold on to in this time of confusion. And trust that I am working even in the silence, even in the quiet."