How God taught me humility my freshman year of college

I've been off the blog for awhile now. I thought at first that I just needed some space to adjust to semi-adulthood.

Looking back, I see that God is teaching me a huge lesson in humility. Today I am back, because writing these posts helps me meditate and truly listen to what I've been learning. God has been speaking to me, and I don't want to forget what he is teaching me.

Some of you may have experienced this, but after living for six years outside of the United States, I learned to look at life through a lense that is truly broader than one that is only shaped by America. This lense enabled me to see the flaws in my own country that I had never seen before. 

Coming back, I had an incredible pride in what I could see and what I had seen. I felt that I knew so much, and was so prepared to lavishly spread my wisdom to the masses. After all, I have seen God work countless miracles. I have followed him into the uncertain (almost wrote unknown, but decided to leave Elsa out of the analogy). I have lived next door to poverty unlike most have ever seen. I have seen God being praised in a different culture. 

I brought all of this to college with me, and was very frustrated when God didn't allow me to be the giver that I wanted to be. More and more I felt him tell me to be quiet instead of preach. All of the Bible studies that I tried to start fell apart, all of my ambitions crumbled. 

And I began to feel lost and confused. Why am I here? What am I doing? Why is God letting me fail?

By the end of the first semester, I was disgusted with myself, how I handled my education, how I judged the people around me, how I critisized and hated. Verses like these kinda hit you in the gut:

"So when you, a mere human being pass judgement on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God's judgement? Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance, and patience, not realizing that God's kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?" Romans 2:4

I bet Jesus looked down and said: "Now we're getting somewhere."

Because, guess what?! God is working in the lives of everyone around me, not just my life. God is teaching them and holding them. He is proud of them. He rejoices in their victories. He is teaching them things that are just as important as the things that he is teaching me. 

Learn from her. See how brave I have taught her to be? Learn from her. See how I have given her zeal? Learn from her. See how genuine her heart is? Learn from her. See how she loves like I do? Learn from her. See how humble she is?

What do you need to teach them, that I have not already been teaching them?

 "...be mutually encouraged by each other's faith." (Romans 1:12)

You are not that special. I love you, but you are not that special. I love you with the most infinite, pure, sacrificial love you could never even dream of. But I love them just as much.